Finding Our Destiny

                                                          

     I was talking with some friends the other day, and one of them spoke of how they were going to move out of state.  She said that she and her husband have felt for a long time that they should move there...and with doors flying open they know that Texas was part of their destiny.  They were destined to live in Texas.

     That made me think about my own life and all of the places that I have lived and the experiences that I have had.  They were all a part of my destiny.  They have made me who I am today.  God had a plan for my life, and I believe that these things were all a part of His plan for me. 

     He placed the people in my life that would help to shape and mold me.  He placed me in the places that I have been to show me bits and pieces of Himself in different areas and sections of the country...and the world.  He was with me in all of the life experiences that I have had to help me share my view of life with the people I was to meet in the future.

     At times we wonder what our destiny is.  What are we supposed to do?  Does God really have a plan for us, or does our life just randomly happen?

     Jeremiah 29:11 states:  For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God does have a plan for us.  We can miss it though, due to rebellion and disobedience.  We can miss out on our destiny because we are looking in the wrong direction.  Instead of looking at God and where He wants us to go, we can get distracted and veer off into rough terrain.  We can get stuck and not go forward, because we keep looking backward and get lost, living in the past. 

     God will not force us to go where He wants us to.  If He did, we would be no more than puppets on a string.  It is up to us to look to Him for direction to where He wants to place us...and not to get too comfortable when we arrive!  He may only want us there for a short time....but we will never know if we become complacent and break our communication with Him.

     Communicate with God?!  Some may think that is impossible...but it is not.  God created us to love Him....and that means He wants us to have a relationship with Him.  Again, He will not force our hand....we have to take the step to WANT to communicate with Him.  He is only waiting for us to take that step....to pray.  Praying is simply talking to Him, as you would a dear friend.  He will communicate back.  There is no doubt in that.  Keeping in communication with Him will ensure that we will have the full life that He wants us to have...and hope for tomorrow.

     What is your destiny?  Find out.  Ask your Creator, and He will show you!

Luke 11:9  So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Didn't See That Coming...

                             
                                      

      I am notorious for being a hardhead...in more ways than one!!  God knew what he was doing when He made my skull thick, because I'm forever hitting my head  on things. At times, I don't notice what's around me, and WHAM!!

     At times we get smacked by life changing circumstances that we don't expect to happen.  This past week we had two events that took us by surprise.  A death of a dear friend, and the accidental injury of another.

     What happens when these unexpected twists occur?  How do we  handle the shock and disbelief?  We try to wrap our minds about what has happened.  We automatically think about the last time we were together and things were 'normal'.  We may wonder...what is normal?  Will our lives ever be normal again?

Late one Friday evening, a handful of friends gathered together.  They were drawn together by an unexpected tragedy.  Their good friend had just been brutally killed.  Some of them had been witnesses.  They were in shock.  Just last night they had all been together and were so happy.  They had been celebrating.  And now...this.  How life can change in 24 hours.  Why?  Why him?  He didn't deserve to have that happen to him.  It wasn't fair.   
They talked quietly amongst themselves.  They took turns crying.  The friends had so many thoughts running around in their heads.  They thought of the last time they had seen him.  One of them had said some horrible things.  He didn't mean them.  He was just acting out of emotions.  It was too late to say he was sorry, now.  Another friend was deeply concerned for the man's family.  He had left an elderly mother.  He had tried to comfort her, but that was an impossible task.  How do you comfort a woman whose child had died?  So many thoughts and emotions.   And to top it all off, they were all afraid.  They were scared that the group that had killed their friend would come after them, too. The crowd was so angry and mean.
The hours slipped by.  Soon it had been 12 hours...then 24...then the next thing you know, it was early Sunday morning.  Three of their friends had gone to the grave to prepare the body.  They weren't even able to do the proper form of burial, because he had died right before the Sabbath began.  No work at all was allowed on the Sabbath...much less dealing with an unclean dead body.  The friends sat around and mourned.  It was all they could think of to do.  Their lives would never be the same.

     Those unexpected tragedies.  How do we go on?  Why do they happen?  No one knows why they occur.  It would be foolish to even try and guess.  But they do.  No one is immune from them.  It has happened since the beginning of time, and Adam and Eve ate that fruit.  That act of disobedience ushered sin in the world, and we have had to deal with death, tragedy and heartache ever since.
How depressing and sad we would be if that was the end of it.  How utterly distressed would our friends in the scenerio be if that was the end of the story....but it was not!

      We know that the three friends who went to prepare Jesus' body came back with news that would change mankind forever.  They had news that would change the outcome of countless individuals' lives for eternity.  The news that Jesus was no longer dead opened the doors of Heaven for them...and for us.

     It gave the friends something their ancestors had only dreamed of...it gave them hope.  Hope for a future and a promise.  Hope for everlasting life with Jesus in Heaven.  The same hope that we hold on to when tragedy comes knocking on our door.  It is the hope that God has a plan.  He has a purpose for us, and can use the tragedies in our lives in a positive way.  What Satan meant for evil, God can turn to goodness.  Will we always be happy when unexpected things knock us over?  Of course not, but we can know in our hearts, that God is with us through the bad times.  We can lean on Him and trust that our loved ones are in His Hands.  He never stops loving us...He always has His Arms open to hold us close.

In My Blood

     Lately I have been reminded of how unique and gifted we all are.  This week we have had our Vacation Bible School, and I've been blessed to be on the drama/Bible Study team.  We have so many talented and gifted young people and adults in our group.  Each have their own specific talents and personalities.  Most of the youth, I taught in first grade many years ago.  Watching them grow into the special individuals that they are, reminded me of a lesson I was taught a long time ago.

       God puts in us a certain energy that seems to 'come alive' when we are doing what we are meant to do.  It is an excitement that gives us drive and purpose.  Most of the time it is connected with a talent or ability that we have.  God gives each of us these talents and desires for a reason.  It's to use them to help bring joy into our lives.

     I don't believe He just created us to live drearily day by day....  The Bible says He wants us to have an ABUNDANT life.  That includes our talents and gifts.  They're not given to us just for the fun of it....or are they?  Aren't they given to us to help bring some fun and happiness in our lives? 

     Now, there are those out there who will say, "But God didn't give me any gifts or talents."  That isn't true.  Everyone has been given something that they are good at.  It may not be in a creative or artistic sense...but perhaps it is in compassion or caring for others.  Maybe you are good at making others feel at ease, and comfortable.  Some people enjoy caring for children, and have a knack for relating with them.  There are individuals who enjoy being around the elderly.  They enjoy listening to their stories and wisdom they can share.  Still others enjoy the quietness and organization of working in an office.  Some people love being in the outdoors, working with nature, or building things.  Everyone has things they enjoy specifically.

     In Ephesians 4, Paul tells us: 
"But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift. The text for this is, He climbed the high mountain, He captured the enemy and seized the booty, He handed it all out in gifts to the people. Is it not true that the One who climbed up also climbed down, down to the valley of earth? And the One who climbed down is the One who climbed back up, up to highest heaven. He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ. "
     God is in what gives you life.  His Will for us is included in the talents and gifts that He gives us.  I've heard people say that their occupation is "in their blood".  It is what they were meant to do.  It is part of the life blood that flows through their veins.

     Wondering what God's Will is for your life?  Take a "blood test".   See what's flowing through your veins!

The Plan

                                             

     I held the phone in my hands, not believing what I was hearing on the other end of the line.  My surgeon was asking me to let him just go ahead and give me a hysterectomy.  He didn't think I would be able to carry children anyway.  I had had 5 major surgeries in a year and a half.  It was just inevitable, to him. 
   "No way!" I exclaimed! "I want children, someday!"  At 25 years old, I wasn't dating anyone, but knew that when God put someone in my life, I wanted to have the option of having a baby. 
     The next year I met Steve.  He had two girls, Mandy and Valerie, from a previous marriage.  When we decided to get married, I assumed that this was how God intended for me to have children.  Steve and I really didn't plan on adding to the family.  God had other plans.
     When we had been married only about a month and a half...I woke up really sick.  It wasn't the flu...!
With no problems at all, I carried our baby to term.  Stephen Gabriel was born a month before our first anniversary.
     When Gabe was about six months old, that same nauseous feeling woke me up.  Nine months later, along came Timothy James.  Did I send my old surgeon birth announcements?  No...I behaved myself!  :)
     When human thinking looks at logic and makes plans, I've heard it said that God laughs.  I'm sure He was having a good chuckle when I was on the phone to the doctor that day!  He knew the plans He had for me.  He had the same plans for my mother.
     My mother, Nora was born in 1938.  When she was 9 she was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes.  At that time they treated new cases very differently than they do today.  She was in the hospital for about a year.  They taught her how to give herself shots of insulin.  They advised her family that she should not carry babies.  My mother knew in her heart she wanted two children, a boy and a girl.  She met my father, and despite all of the cautions, she had two children....a girl and a boy.  After each birth she went into a coma for a short time.  Yet she had what she wanted....a family.  She was a mother.  God knew the plans He had for her.
     God knows the plans He has for you.  Perhaps it is through parenthood...perhaps not. Either way, we have influence on others by how we live our life and the choices we make.  Some of those we influence are children...and some are adults. 
     Jeremiah 29:11 states "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".  The plans that God has for us are good.  We are the ones who mess those plans up, at times by not listening to His voice and going our own way.  Some of those plans include pain.  That is inevitable in life.  Because sin is in the world...we can't avoid it.  But God's ultimate plans are to enrich and benefit our lives...for us to have life to the fullest.
     As my mother and I could attest to, life isn't easy.  The fulfilling of our dreams involved difficult times and unclear paths, but God gives hope.  He has plans to give us a HOPE and a FUTURE.  He gives us hope when the road ahead is dark...He has plans for a better future that we could never imagine.
     My mother passed away at the age of 52. She was given the grace to not only have two children, but she was able to see four grandchildren.  Although my mother has been gone for 20 years, she has left me a legacy of love that I have passed onto my children...and now my grandchildren.  We have been blessed with three beautiful granddaughters. 
      Does God have a plan for me?  Yes.  He has one for you, too.

Changes

                                                        

                    If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.  ~Author Unknown

     Over the last few weeks, Steve and I have had to make some major changes.  Now, as we can all attest to, that can be about as much fun as swimming in the ocean as they are filming "Shark Week"...
Change is hardly ever easy.
     In order to help Steve's mother with her home., we have had to move into her house. Gabe and Valerie are living and keeping up our house.  This is a big change for the two of us, as we have lived in our home for 20 years. It is strange to be dwelling in another home...even though it is very familiar to us.
     How do we react to change?  It is inevitable that change will happen to all of us.  Some people don't mind it one bit.  They are quite flexible, and adapt quite easily to new situations.  These individuals are able to move frequently and meet new people with no problem.
     Others don't care for it, yet they try to make the best of it and adapt as best as they can.  Many people are in the third catagory.  They hate change.  Keeping things the same is a comfort zone for them.  Like a security blanket, consistancy envelops their life.  Their unaltered world involves no risks...no uncertainty...no chance to get hurt.  It's safe...but is it a good thing?
     The Bible encourages us to welcome change.  Matthew 18:3 it says that unless we change and become like little children, we cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  We must be trustful and dependant as a child on our Father in Heaven.  That can be difficult for a jaded, independant adult to do; but if it were an impossible task, Jesus would not have required it of us.  We have to let go of ourselves and our wishes and will, and let God control the direction that our life is going.  If we are in the driver's seat, we can easily get distracted by detours and fancy exits. We must relinquish control, and prayerfully let the Lord take over.
     It can be hard to let go.  Anatole France said, "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."  That is the key.  To die to self.  There is no other way to truly follow Christ, than to let go...and let God.    
     So that's what we're doing!  Steve and I have no idea what the future holds, we have to take our directions day by day.  Listening to the voice of God speak to our hearts and guide us in what He wants us to do.  Listen to the voice of God speak to YOUR heart...come join the adventure!!    


    
    

The Glory of the Son Rise

                                                      
     The beauty of a sunrise.  Few things are as breathtaking and uplifting.  With the dawning of each day, the sunrise brings a renewed hope.
     There was one sunrise that was not, nor never will be the same as any other day.  It brought more than sunshine into the morning...it brought the renewed Body of the Son of God.  Jesus was no longer dead...He was alive!
     Glory to God in the Highest!  How often have we said those words? Yet those six words are the basis for everything we believe in.  Everything is to give glory to God.  It is why we were created...to give glory to our Creator.  All nature gives glory.  Creation grows heavenward, swaying their praise in the gentle breeze.  Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. 
     But if God is the all Powerful, we may find ourselves asking, "Why?  Why would Jesus go through all that He did on that fateful Friday?"  Because of Sunday.  Sunday brought the Glory of God.  He took our punishment and pain, so that we wouldn't have to.  He did so, knowing that three short days later, He would be glorified...as would the Father.  The Resurrection was the key that opened the gates of heaven for you and for me...if we but repent and believe. Hallelujah!!
     Jesus defied death, and proved that Satan had no power over Him.  He proved that Good WILL overcome Evil.  That was ultimately the greatest Glorification that God could have.  He conquered sin and gave a foreshadowing of what will happen when Christ comes again. 
     He is risen!  He is risen, indeed!

The Piece of the Puzzle

Romans 8:28    And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

                                                             

                                                                     

     Yesterday I was watching my two granddaughters, ages 3 and 1.  We were putting together puzzles....over and over and over again!  AR was fascinated at how the puzzle pieces fit together and made a picture.  JM was just fascinated with the puzzle pieces.  She kept grabbing them and running away....I guess she thought they were pretty!  I had to distract her in order for her to relinquish the piece, but she finally let go.  
     Since AR is only 3, she tended to get a bit tense if some of the pieces didn't fit together.  She tried to make them fit, but willingly took them apart when I pointed out that they didn't go together.  A couple of times, she got frustrated and let the pieces drop to the floor, as if she wanted to quit.  Then I quietly picked up two coinciding pieces and put them together in front of her.  Her confidence was boosted, and she began to put more segments together.  When her attention faltered, I continued working on the puzzle until it was done, and then when she was interested, she began all over again as if she'd never seen it!
     Life is like a big puzzle.  A puzzle that comes with two complications.  The first is: the puzzle at unexpected times will be turned face down.  We can't see how the pieces coincide, but we have to keep trying.  The other difficulty: many times, we are only given the pieces one or two at a time.  These hindrances can cause us to panic and not know how to go on.
     Don't you hate putting a puzzle together to find in the end, that a piece was missing?  Just to let you know ahead of time, there is one missing from your life.  Everyone's puzzle is complete except for one piece.  The only thing that will fit in that spot is God.  Some people may try to make other pieces fit in that area, but nothing will match.  Money will not fit, drinking or drugs will not fit, other people cannot fit in there...it is made for God and God alone.
     Sometimes we can be like JM and grab onto a piece and hold tight, not wanting to let go.  We don't understand how to put the pieces together, and we're afraid to loosen our grip.  In order for things to move along, we must surrender our grasp, and give it to God.  There are times when we, like AR want to let the pieces drop, because we get discouraged and can't figure out how things could possibly correspond.  But God is right there, slowly assembling the pieces.   He helps us enough to renew our confidence.  We get a second wind, and begin again.
     There are times when we decide to leave the puzzle altogether, being distracted by other things.  God is still there working, even if we have forsaken Him.  He patiently puts our pieces together, waiting for us to join Him in His Work.  He will never leave us to work on our life alone.  He is always there.

                                                       

     Sometimes we need others to help us put our pieces together.  Occasionally, they can see the combinations  better than we can.  God provides helpers when we need them, to help encourage us and give us strength when we falter.
     Part of the fun of assembling puzzles is the constant unkinown.  We try to put pieces together, sometimes they fit...sometimes they don't.  If they don't fit, it would be foolish to get angry and vent and fume.  We simply pick up another piece and go on.    
          At the end of our lives, God turns the whole puzzle over to reveal a beautiful scene.   Everyone has their own draft.  No two are alike.  Our picture is made for us, and us alone.  It is one more glorious than we could have imagined.  Some of the dark pieces that were so ugly to us in life, were needed to bring out the bright and beautiul parts of our picture.  God has used the difficult and traumatic parts of our life to work with the beautiful parts, for our good.  They have helped create the unique individual that God intended for us to be. 

Basic Information Before Leaving.....Earth

Our son, Tim is graduaing from Army airborne school this afternoon.  We are very proud of him.  As his mother, I am nervous about him jumping out of planes, but at the same time I am comforted.  He has taken his airborne training seriously.  He follows the instructions very carefully.

The course is three weeks long.  There is a lot of preparation the first week, learning about the planes, and equipment.  The second week is practicing jumps from a 250 ft tower.  The third week is dropping from the planes.  They have to have 5 jumps in, in order to graduate.

This class has been challenged in many ways...one of which was the weather.  Last week it rained all week, prohibiting them from doing the tower jumps.  They were told last Friday, never mind the practicing, they would just go straight to bailing from the planes.

Tim has told us from the beginning that he has listened and paid attention to the instructors.  Everything they have told him is for his safety and well being.  He knows if he heeds their teaching, he will have an easier time with the jumps.

Some of his fellow classmates listen...some do not.  The ones that don't follow the instructions have to pay the consequences.  Some have injured their feet, by not landing correctly.  One classmate broke his leg.  A couple of incidents were more severe.  One girl failed to hand off her snap line and just let it fall to the plane floor.  The next jumper bailed from the plane immediately afterward, and got his arm wrapped around the loose cord.  When he jumped, he ripped his bicept off.  The girl had to leave airborne.  Another man was about to jump, when at the last minute someone noticed that he had his line wrapped around his neck.  Had they not noticed, it would have snapped his neck and killed him.  Can you imagine how grateful he was to the one who noticed he was in danger? 

Tim did well on his jumps.  The first two jumps, he said were like pillows.  Nice and smooth.  The third jump, he decided to try and save a little time by pulling one of his lines a little to the right.  He got caught up in a wind gust, and started heading toward a truck!  He brought his legs up quickly and narrowly missed the vehicle.  This landing was harder and a bit painful.  Did he learn his lesson? Yes.  It doesn't always pay to try and take a shortcut.  He has his last two jumps this morning.  I'm confident he will be paying attention.

We are all in training.  It is called LIFE.  We are preparing ourselves for where we will spend eternity.  But how do we know how to get through the training?  We are given an instruction manuel.  It is called the Bible.  In 1995, Kiliah Priest wrote a song, "B I B L E, Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth".  Like the airborne students, we are given countless opportunities to learn about what to do in situations that may come our way.  We can listen and learn, or choose to not pay attention, and suffer the consequences.  Some situations are well planned, some circumstances are thrust upon us with no opportunity to practice or rehearse.  If we choose to try to take matters in our own hands, we can get bumps and bruises, or even be broken.  Some choices can leave us with more severe outcomes.  As with the young girl jumper, some of our decisions can affect and hurt other people.

It is important that we keep close to our Heavenly Instructor, and learn how to handle the various situations that occur in our lives.  God has filled His Word with solutions to every circumstance that we come up against in our lifetime.  All we have to do is pick it up and learn.

Let's not forget our fellow 'jumpers' in this thing called life.  We were not meant to live our lives alone, void of other people.  God gave us the people around us for a reason.  We are to look after each other, and help one another.  If we notice that someone has a potential noose around their neck that could be fatal, it is our job...no...our obligation to bring it to their attention.  Perhaps, like that young man in the plane, we have a noose around our own neck and don't even realize that we are about to jump into a potentially fatal setting.  How grateful would we be, for someone to bring it to our attention?

The Bible gives us the basic instructions on how to live in this life and beyond.  It gives us assurance that we will go to heaven when we die. But why would God give us the Bible in the first place?  What is it all about?  It's all about love.

God loves us so much that He created us to love Him in return.  He made man to live in perfect harmony with Him.  But sin entered the picture, through man's disobedience.  Everyone has sinned.  (Romans 3:23)  All disobedience, or sin deserves punishment.  The punishment was death, and separation from God when we die.  (Romans 6:23) That very real place is called hell.  But God loved us too much to leave us in that situation.  He had a plan to allow us to be with Him, in heaven for eternity.  But, heaven is perfect.  How can we, as sinful people go there?

God sent His Son, Jesus to earth as a little baby...human, yet also God.  Jesus, being human understands all of our human weaknesses.  He has experienced all of the temptations that we do, yet He never sinned.  (Hebrews 4:5)  He knew God the Father's plan, and chose to take our punishment for us, so that we would not have to suffer the pain of hell. He knew the punishment would have to be severe.  Jesus suffered and died a humiliating death upon the cross. (Romans 5:28)  But, as He predicted, He rose again three days later...very much alive!  Soon after, He rose up into heaven and is waiting to come again to earth.  (Matthew 28:1-7;  John 14:1-3)

Jesus took my punishment...and yours. Salvation is offered freely.  We don't have to DO anything in order to receive it.  In fact, we CAN'T do anything to go to heaven.  (Ephesians 2:8-10)  If it were up to us, Jesus would not have had to die on the cross.  It is a free gift.  But that gift is not automatic.  We just have to make the choice to accept that gift.  Is it hard to do?  No. In fact, it's quite easy.

  All we have to do is three things.  It's as easy as ABC :

A - admit to God that you are a sinner, and repent (or be sorry) for disobeying Him. (1 John 1:8-9)
B - believe that Jesus is God's Son, and died for your sins.  (Romans 5:8)
C - confess your faith, and choose to make Jesus the Lord (or boss) of your life.  (Romans 10:9)

If you have done these things, and know that you would like to open up your heart and life to Christ, you can pray this prayer, or one of your own:

Heavenly Father, I know and admit that I have sinned.  I have chosen to go my own way.  I am sorry, and ask your forgiveness.  I want to do better, and do what You want me to do.  I believe that You sent Jesus to die for my sins on the cross, and that He rose again from the dead.  I confess You as my Lord, and give You control over my life.  I love and thank You.  In Jesus' name, Amen

If you have sincerely prayed this prayer, you are now a Christian!  Now what?  I encourage you to find a Bible believing church in your area, and attend.  It will help you to learn more about the Christian faith.  In the meantime, here is a good link to go to that may help:
http://www.centralcal.com/christ8.htm 
If you don't own a Bible, you can use the internet at http://www.bible.com/ until you can obtain one.  There are many translations to choose from.  The Message is a good one to start with.

Do you have to worry about losing your salvation, or God changing His mind?  No.  The Bible says
that we can KNOW that we have eternal life, if we believe in the name of the Son of God. (1 John 5:13)

God loves you.  Pick up a copy of His Instruction Manuel and find out how much!
God Bless.

The Time of Our Lives

                                                         
                                             

Ecclesiastes 3



To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.



Our lives are composed of a series of times. They are gifts from God. As someone wisely said, what we do with them is our gift to God.


You never know how the Lord is going to use the circumstances in your life to bless someone, and stretch you at the same time. You never know when you get married, what God will ask of you and your spouse…what sacrifice He will ask you to make as a couple. Steve and I have found this out, in the last few months.

In October, Steve’s step dad, Toliver had to have double bypass surgery on his heart. A few days afterward, he had a major stroke, and was put on life support. Although presently improved, he still has a feeding tube and is in a rehab center. When Toliver went into the hospital, Steve went to stay with his mother. He didn’t realize at the time, that it was going to be more than a short stay.

His mother is suffering from Alzheimer’s, severe dementia and other health issues. I first noticed the extent of the forgetfulness a year ago, Thanksgiving when she came in the kitchen to help before dinner. I suggested she make her beloved mashed potatoes, and she had a hard time remembering how to make them. Things began to slowly go downhill over the next year, and by this past Thanksgiving, she was a totally different person. One that barely remembered who people were, and sat quietly talking to herself. It was so sad. This was a woman who knew her Bible inside and out, reduced to not remembering why she was in church…calling it “school” . This was a woman who was the church pianist for decades, now plunking away at notes that did not coincide. She was very afraid, and could not be left alone.
Then came the task of finding a caregiver.

His mother would not live with any of her children. We knew that would not be an option. Steve’s brothers have had major health issues in the last few years, and because of that and distance, they could not physically help out, but they were wonderful emotional support. Steve’s sister’s spouse was infirmed, so she could not give her full time care. Steve took on the role of caregiver for his mother and as representative for Toliver. He has been self employed for quite a while, and in the past couple of years, the jobs have been few and far between. We have wondered why God didn’t provide full time employment for him. Now we knew why. God needed him to fulfill another job.


At the end of November, Steve moved into his mother’s home. Most of the time he was able to come home for a couple of hours a day to see me, while his sister stayed with their mom. Usually, he was able to sleep at home one or two nights a week, then went back to his mother’s the next morning. During those evenings, his sister had to leave her sick husband to come and stay with their mom. Between the two of them, they did a remarkable job in caring for her.


This was a very difficult thing for Steve, on many levels. He, like a lot of men, is not exactly a caregiver at heart. This was a major stretch for him. It was also not easy for him to be away from me. In most cases, the longer two people are married, the more they do become connected…become one. For us to be apart was not an easy thing, for either of us. Yet, God used that time to reinforce our bond as husband and wife, and we became closer than ever.

Many people would not have tolerated living apart from their spouse. I hear young people all of the time stating what they will put up with and what they won’t, from their mates. It seems to be all about them. I’m not talking about serious issues, like infidelity, or abuse, but little, insignificant things. The vows to love, honor and cherish, involve thinking of what is best for the other person. That’s one reason why it was so difficult for Steve to be away from home. It was so hard for him to know that I was home alone at night. He worried about me, as my health has not been that good over the past few months. He wanted to be home, yet he knew his mother needed him. On my part, I knew that this was something that Steve had to do. It was not about me. I had to focus on what he needed…what I could do to support him.
Emotionally, he needed to be able to see me when he could. Since his time at home was not always predetermined, I made him my priority and kept my calendar free from activities and outings.
Was it easy on either of us? No. But life is never easy for anyone. Would we change any decisions we made? No. We knew we did what God would have us do.

As time passed, the dementia got worse, and his mom began having more health problems. This took a major toll on both Steve and his sister. They kept putting off the inevitable until they had exhausted themselves physically, mentally and emotionally. Eventually, she had to be taken to a facility where she could best be ministered to. That was the most difficult decision that Steve and his siblings had to make, but they did so out of love for their mom. I admire all of them for their trust in God for strength, and their reliance on each other for support. They should feel no regrets.



I appreciate Steve, for he did what the Bible says...he honored his mother.
Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. 

He took care of her, and with the Lord's help, he did something that didn't come naturally to him.  This was also a wonderful example to our two sons, of the importance of parental devotion.




When I was younger, I anticipated the different times of my life…the joy of being married and having children. I knew that some day we would face the infirmities of old age and retirement, but didn’t think too much of the in between years. I didn’t contemplate the intricacies of taking care of our parents at an older age. My parents passed away when I was fairly young…both parents were gone before I was 35. I think we normally go through this time of our life when we are middle aged for a reason. As we get older, we begin to feel the fingers of time creep up on our bodies. Mortality begins to sneak into our minds a bit more, as we begin to taste the appetizers of aging. We can see clearer, the closer we are to a situation. We realize that at some point, that that will be us in that vulnerable position; that will be us, who will look for mercy, kindness and understanding from others.

Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.